Home should be a refuge, a safe cocoon you can return to after you’ve been out in the world. To make it more so, try these strategies.
Solve pain points that cause arguments or stress.
At my house, our remote control always went missing – including down the sides of the sofa. We attached a piece of sticky velcro to the wall and remote, and now it’s rarely out of place. This solution worked so well, we did the same with my six-year-old’s foldable plastic hair brush. Both live next to each other on the wall above the sofa.
For sources of tension in your home, look for practical solutions like this. Challenge yourself like you’re doing a puzzle, to make solving problems more fun. Once you find a solution that works well for your family, reuse that solution in other creative ways.
Use tools.
In a similar vein, you can invest in tools to solve pain points – for example, blackout curtains to help children go to sleep on summer evenings, or a robot vacuum cleaner. Tools can help you stay on track with your routines. At our house, we have a daily Google Home announcement that says “It’s time to get ready for bed, sweetie pie”, at the same time each day. The juxtaposition of the robot saying the words “sweetie pie” keeps it amusing. Any use of a tool should feel like a natural expression of your family values. Tools need not be pricey. The velcro is a tool.
Utilise your environment to encourage healthy habits.
In your home, is it currently easier to put recyclable items into the recycling or the rubbish? Make any behaviour you want to do more frequently more convenient than its alternative, without being gimmicky about it. A long-standing tradition in our house is to have a one-third cup measure inside our porridge container, to help with portion control. Your home organisation should support you in your desired habits. Don’t focus on self-control. Focus on another strength or value you want to cultivate and express, like your creative ingenuity, or your desire for simplicity or eliminating waste (like cooking too much porridge).
Parents, teach your children about the principles of habit formation (habits should be convenient) rather than expecting self-control without environmental support. Where practical, don’t expect anyone to walk to a different room to put an item away after using it. For example, have a container for pens or scissors in each room of the house where these items are used.
Does your home reflect what’s important to you?
If I walked into your home, what would I guess about your most cherished values? Over time, and as your budget allows, allow your home to display your values. This could be through photos on display, original art, warm and cosy textures, humour, vibrant colours, or sunny corners set up for reading or other forms of relaxation. Put your values on visual display.
Does your home organisation work for your goals and values?
You’re not likely to put an item away in its assigned place if that place is cluttered. Consider using principles like ‘toy rotation’ for both children and adults. For example, do you have various forms of exercise equipment that sit around unused, like a slam ball or resistance bands? Try this: each Monday, take one of these out for the week and aim to use it that week. As a general rule, any behavioural principle that works for shaping children’s behaviour will work for shaping adults’ behaviour.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when aspects of your home become chaotic or sources of tension. Take the approach of expressing your strengths and values rather than chiding yourself for your weaknesses. Use creative problem-solving and self-knowledge, such as reusing solutions in new ways once a particular type of solution already works for you and your family. By doing so, you can reduce tension and allow your home to reflect your values and skills. The more you do, the calmer and happier your home will become.
