“You don’t need to be fixed or get you ‘right’”. This is the message of the 2nd Annual International Being You Day (22nd May).
Initiated by Dr Dain Heer, change-maker, speaker and author of the best-selling book Being You, Changing the World, this national holiday was created to invite people to move away from the comparision trap and judgement as deciding factors for happiness, and empower them with the tools to experience the joy that comes from being themselves.
Being You Day was born from Dr. Heer’s own struggle with feeling “wrong” and different. He states “we’re taught from the time we’re tiny in order to be loved, we must be right, good, perfect, and correct. And if we do anything that is not perfect, then we will not be loved.”
Many of us believe that unless we’re perfect, we do not deserve to be treated in a kind way.
“We grew up in a world in which we learned to judge ourselves instead of love ourselves.” Says Dr. Heer. “We believe that if we truly love ourselves, we’re going to be terrible, selfish, arrogant people, which is a big lie. We think that somehow judging ourselves is a way to get greater. But it’s not, it always makes us lesser. Not judging ourselves, actually allows is to choose greater.”
Another trick we’ve all taught ourselves is the ‘fake it until you make it’ mindset, however Dr. Heer says this mindset will make you feel worse in the long run.
“Your point of view creates your reality, so if you’re underlying point of view is that you feel less than, or not worthy, this will eventually surface again.” He says.
Dr. Heer believes self-love is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
If we compare the days we wake up and feel good about ourselves to the days we wake up and feel bad about ourselves, those emotions towards ourselves show two completely different ways we navigate throughout the day.
Social media has become a major barrier when it comes to showing ourselves some self-love.
During the social media age many of us are constantly looking for validation from others, receiving a positive judgement from others.
However, when we don’t receive those positive judgements, we questions ourselves as to why we didn’t receive them and wonder what we did wrong if it was the way we look, our fashion sense, the timing of when we posted, etc.
When asked if relationships and friendships can impact our mindset of how we think about ourselves he stated, “Absolutely! Relationships and friendships are one of the biggest impacts on our mindset of how we think we should be feeling.”
“Have you noticed that when you hang out with happy people, you tend to get happier? If you hang out with sad or judgemental people, you tend to get sad or judgemental and so on.”
“We’re herd creatures by nature, we thrive on connection with others, and we pick up on the thoughts, feelings and emotions for everyone around us.”
Heer explains that if we’re not resolute in finding out what is true for us we will far more easily allow other people’s point of views to overcome our own.
Dr. Dain Heer’s advice for loving yourself
- Stop the judgement cycle. Start asking questions: Notice when you’re judging yourself or feeling inadequate. Stop and ask: “what else can I choose here? What else is possible? And what’s right about me I’m not getting?”
- Ask “who does this belong to?”: It’s essential for us to empty out the monkey mind of everything we continuously believe is ours that actually isn’t. Most people are walking around with so many energies of self-loathing, judgment, and what they have done wrong, but most of it isn’t theirs.
- Take time for yourself everyday: Take 20 to 30 minutes a day and do something just for you, that nurtures you and your mind.
- Start a gratitude journal: List 1-3 things that you are grateful for everyday. One thing you are grateful for about you. One thing you are grateful for aout your life. One thing you are grateful for about someone or something else.
- How your own back
Dain Heer is an author, change-maker, speaker and co-creator of Access Consciousness, one of the largest personal development companies practiced in 176 countries. He is also the creator of International Being You Day. Growing up in the ghetto in Los Angeles, Heer was exposed to constant abuse, however, he never chose to be a victim. In his talks and workshops, he uses a set of tools and provides step by step energetic processes to get people out of the conclusions and judgments that are keeping them stuck in a cycle of no choice and no change, leading them into moments of awe that they have the power to change anything. Keep up to date with Dain on Instagram and Facebook.