Author Justine Jamieson
“I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight. I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with non-violence.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
After acknowledging the palpable anger in the air — stirred by the cruel injustices currently circulating across our airwaves — I felt compelled to reach for a guide that could offer some grounding. I picked up Dawn Grace Kelly’s Truth Spirit Love: An Essential Guide to Healing and turned to Chapter 11, Make Peace with Anger.
In a world where rage is spilling into our news feeds and daily conversations, Dawn’s compassionate insights remind us that anger itself is not the enemy. Instead, it is a messenger, urging us to pay attention to what has been ignored or suppressed.
Understanding anger
Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions. As Dawn Grace Keely points out, it has historically “got us into trouble in the past” and often leaves us judged in the present. Many of us were never taught how to safely acknowledge or express anger. For women, anger was often suppressed, while boys were sometimes permitted — even encouraged — to externalize it through aggression such as hitting or bullying.
When left unacknowledged, anger can leak out in indirect and harmful ways. Dawn describes this as “leaky anger”— sarcastic comments, prickly energy, passive-aggressive remarks, or subtle blame-shifting. These behaviours not only harm relationships but also prevent individuals from processing their true emotional experience.
Passive aggression and blame
One of the unhealthy outlets Dawn highlights is passive aggression — an indirect form of anger that manifests as procrastination, sullenness, or deliberate failure to meet commitments. Such behaviours may seem minor, but over time they corrode trust and perpetuate cycles of unhealthy communication across generations.
Closely linked to anger is blame, which Dawn identifies as a destructive by-product. Blame is an ego defense — an outward projection of inner pain. While it can momentarily deflect responsibility, its consequences are corrosive: it triggers defensiveness in others, escalates conflict, and perpetuates cycles of abuse or emotional disconnection. As Dawn notes:
- Blame leaves others “with your bad energy all over them.”
- It reflects an unwillingness to take responsibility.
- At its worst, it can spiral into depression, addiction, or abuse.
Signs of anger: physical, emotional, and mental
Dawn provides a practical framework for recognising anger early through physical, emotional, and mental signs.
- Physical: clenched fists, a tight face, raised voice, sweating, shaking, headaches, dizziness.
- Emotional: feelings of jealousy, shame, guilt, sadness, or a desire to strike out.
- Mental: argumentativeness, judgement, excessive worrying, sarcasm, controlling behaviour, or loss of humour.
By cultivating awareness of these early indicators, individuals can intervene before anger escalates into harmful behaviours.
Catching anger early
Dawn suggests creating a personal anger pyramid to map escalating behaviours—from subtle signs such as clenched fists or raised voice, to more severe outbursts like shouting, slamming doors, or physical aggression. This self-awareness tool helps individuals visualise how their anger builds and where they can intervene before reaching a harmful peak.
Healthy ways to express anger
Importantly, Dawn emphasises that anger itself is not the enemy—it is how we relate to it. She recommends waiting approximately 20 minutes to allow adrenaline to settle before responding. Constructive outlets include:
- Physical movement: running, walking, stomping, or jumping.
- Safe expression: hitting a cushion or punching bag, throwing stones, or breaking objects in a controlled setting.
- Creative release: writing fierce, unfiltered words (without sharing them).
- Vocal release: yelling or screaming in a car with music up.
- Channeling energy: cleaning, gardening, or vigorous housework.
These actions allow the energy of anger to move through the body without harming others. Dawn also notes that once anger is released, deeper emotions like sadness often emerge, which can be healing if met with compassion.
When things don’t go well
Dawn acknowledges that nobody will manage anger perfectly. Practise and mindfulness improve with time, but mistakes are inevitable. Instead of self-criticism, she encourages self-compassion: treating each misstep as an opportunity for learning and growth.
The anger clean-up process
Finally, Dawn introduces an Anger Clean-Up Process — a reflective practice to restore connection after an angry episode. It involves visualisation and affirmation:
- Picture the person you were angry with.
- Acknowledge the impact of your anger and, if possible, apologise.
- Thank them for being a teacher of self-awareness.
- Imagine energetic cords connecting you, then cut them with a “beam of love.”
- Visualise your anger returning to you, then dissolving into light.
- See the other person surrounded by light.
- Affirm: “The relationship between us now moves forward for the highest good of all concerned.”
This process blends mindfulness, spiritual imagery, and intentional repair, helping to release lingering resentment and restore balance.
Anger is not inherently destructive — it is a messenger pointing toward unmet needs, unhealed wounds, or boundaries crossed. As Dawn shows in Truth Spirit Love, Chapter 11, making peace with anger requires awareness, compassion, and practice. By recognising early signs, engaging in healthy expression, and repairing connections afterwards, we can transform anger from a destructive force into a source of clarity and growth.
Find out more about healing from Dawn Grace Kelly’s Book Truth Spirit Love
